I love this day in the calendar. I love seeing women honouring other women. Strong, beautiful, intelligent, inspiring, hardworking, kind, caring women. Especially the female friends and family who uphold not only me, but their own families and wider friendship groups.

Sometimes I struggle to see the importance of my existence. I can’t work. Heaven knows I’ve tried, and every time I’ve ended up mental as anything. Like hospitalised type mental. I live in fear of the DWP forcing me back into that scenario. And I miss working in nursery so much. Little people kept me both young and positive.

I am first and foremost a woman and a wife. Mostly I enjoy wifing, although deciding what to have for dinner every night does my nut. But when you’ve been a wife, mum, carer, employee and volunteer, all at the same time, just wife feels a bit basic. So I try to be the best wife I can. Martin isn’t complaining. I don’t always get it right, but I love him unconditionally and intentionally. I hope he realises by now that my goal is to work with him, not against him.

I did spend years in therapy working on myself; my issues, my failings, my weaknesses, my resilience, my conflict resolution, my communication, my relationship skills, so that by the time I became Wife mk2 I was a much more together version than first time around. And that was not because my doctor put me in therapy. That was because I wanted to be stronger and better able to cope with life, so I’m proud to say I did it for myself.

I’ve raised a man child. Singlehandedly for a number of years. I’m so proud of my boy I can’t even express. I notice when I post on social media that I’m with him, the whole thing blows up. Everyone loves him. Friends who rarely interact with me on my socials come out the woodwork in droves to give ChrisB a like. I know my place. My dream for him was to do better, achieve more, and find greater fulfilment than I ever have and I believe he’s smashing it. If ever a young man has reason to be bitter, it’s him, but to his credit he’s wise, kind, and caring.

I cared for my first husband for twenty years, increasingly until his death. I have organised three funerals and executed three estates. Never bought a house, but sold one. I’ve lost five friends, four way too young. But I discovered my tribe among other young widows. I never cease to be amazed just how much some of us have faced, ongoing have to deal with, and ultimately survive. As if being bereaved of your partner isn’t hideous enough, many face ill health, issues with their children, further loss, financial difficulties, and don’t even start me on the perils of dating again (or not). Very Bridget Jones.

I’m truly humbled when friends tell me I’m strong. Or inspirational. I never feel it. But when someone says they joined a gym because they saw I’d been training, or they chose an act of self care because they’d thought of me, I’m genuinely touched. In a life where I don’t feel I’m capable of the achievements that other people take for granted, those tiny glimmers mean the world.

My cat thinks I’m awesome. I know this because she loves to lay on, next to, or close by to me when I’m in bed and often sits on my lap when I’m lounging on the sofa of an evening. She sometimes wakes me up in the morning with a breathy purr in my ear. She gazes up at me with such adoration. She thinks I’m rocking being a cat mum.

My only other notable achievement currently is prioritising my self care. Those things vary, but include rest, good nutrition, exercise, skincare, beauty treatments, meeting friends, spending time with Martin or Chris, pursuing hobbies, crafting, writing, baking, music and reading. I have mastered the art of relaxation through deep breathing, many years ago, and often find myself repeating the mantra, “Just breathe” or, “Just keep breathing” both to myself and to friends. Slowing down and focusing on your breath really can be effective in an array of situations.

Am I smashing life? Absolutely not! Am I surviving despite a background of loss, trauma and abuse, experiencing chronic pain, bipolar disorder and suspected autistic traits? Hell yeah! As I said to a friend earlier, we’re wives and mamas, being amazing is what we do. As women, we carry our families when the going gets tough. We rarely see it ourselves, because we think we’re not achieving the big, significant stuff, which is why women building up women and International Women’s Day is so important, both at grassroots and globally.