I’m ashamed to say it, but the majority of weight I lost before the wedding has crept back on. I knew what I had to do to maintain that loss, but I was lazy. I admit I have been hindered by not great mental health during that time, and indeed the challenges of menopausal hormones (known for causing weight gain). Emotional eating has been at a premium.

Additionally, many of the meals that were my staples during weight loss previously would not have been received well had I offered them to Martin. Cooking for both of us has frustrated me at times. I tend to be more open to eating stuff I’m not crazy about. But Martin likes what he likes and that’s it. So fish in its many forms, steak and kidney, and broad beans are off the menu. Because frankly, preparing one dinner is stressful and painful enough for me, without doing two. And as for sausages! Staple of sausage casserole or sausages, mash and beans are now reduced to ‘in a sandwich’. Before our holiday I had hit an all time low in the quest to keep coming up with something for dinner. The same options were being rolled out each week and frankly it was getting really boring. I toyed with searching out some new recipes, but I feared how they’d be received.

Meanwhile I was beginning to see a reflection in the mirror I was less than happy with. My clothes were feeling less comfortable. I was gutted I’d let myself gain so much weight again. Also, having worked so hard to reverse prediabetes I really didn’t want to revisit that again. So on my return from holiday I eased myself back into healthy eating and started logging my daily intake to ensure I was staying in calorie deficit. So far, it’s been easier than I’d anticipated. I haven’t been able to get to the gym because of dental/sinus infection and pain, but I’ve done well with my food and first end of week weigh-in was pleasing. I’m sure there’ll come a time where I’ll crave something indulgent, but at the moment I’m keeping the gremlins at bay with my healthier swaps.

Also since we came home, Martin had his diabetes review. I think to say his diabetes was completely uncontrolled was the kindest way of expressing it. It has been a huge kick up the bum, for us both, as obviously I am the one responsible for the shopping and cooking, but ultimately he’s the one who’s eating it too. So I’ve cooked healthier meals for us, but I am lacking in inspiration again. The diabetes booklet says lean protein like chicken, turkey, fish and beans. And lots of oily fish too. Which for Martin, pretty much comes down to chicken. And as much as I’ve tried to mix it up, we’re rapidly getting bored of chicken!

In terms of my healthy eating, I feel like I’m all over it right now. In terms of Martin’s diet, I feel utterly at a loss. It’s a challenge.

In light of his rather high sugars, Martin has been prescribed a new weekly injection. It apparently will also aid weight loss, which can only be a good thing. But it isn’t a miracle cure. In fact he was warned that if he eats badly whilst on it, it will make him ill. We need to get a handle on the dietary intake too. I have told him in no uncertain terms that I am not up for another dead husband anytime soon. I will support him all I can. I love him and we’re in this together. But I can’t do it for him, he needs to work that one out for himself.

I think for me, I need to eat what I need to be healthy. Even if it’s fish! I tend to compromise in favour of an easier, quieter life, but maybe I need to be a bit more proactive for the good of my health. And get my lardy ass back to the gym as soon as my sinuses are better. Aside from the physical benefits, it’s the one guaranteed thing that will lift my mood and boost my confidence.

Change is scary. But it can also be good. We’ll get there.