I’m a hopeless romantic. To love and be loved is rare and precious. It doesn’t just happen, it requires work. Sometimes a lot of work. Having a great relationship isn’t just luck. Nothing good is achieved on minimum effort. It takes sacrifices. It takes compromise. It takes a concerted effort on both parts to make it work. It takes a level of emotional literacy that many of us simply struggle with.

Sometimes when our relationship challenges us, my husband asks if I still love him. And I say the same thing each time, “I love you intentionally and unconditionally.” That is, I love him because I have made a decision to love him, and when I married him I made a commitment to him until death. My love for him is unconditional in that he doesn’t have to meet criteria to earn my love. He’s good enough. I just love him as is. Which is not to say I don’t have boundaries, but I would not expect someone who professes to love me to be ongoing breaking those boundaries. Certainly not intentionally and without expecting consequences. That would require a serious conversation about our expectations from the relationship.

When love is good it’s the best. When you meet your match on more than just a superficial level, do whatever it takes to hold onto that love. Be open to grow and change to accommodate the strengthening of the bond between you. Don’t give up on it just because it’s difficult.

Love isn’t just a feeling. It isn’t passive, it’s active. Love is something you do. Do it more.