I’m trying not to overthink this one, but I’m struggling to recall a time when I was single and happy! I started dating Andrew (my first husband) when I was 17 and we were married when I was 19. So I didn’t do the single, dating, experimenting, growing up that many people have the opportunity to do before settling down. With hindsight perhaps I’d have done things differently, but no regrets.

I was with Andrew until he died when I was 37. My grief, and the demands of lone-parenting a child with additional challenges meant that dating was 100% off my radar. So technically I was single (widowed) at that period in my life, but categorically not happy.

A few years on, after a mental breakdown and my son going into care, I was finally in a place where I was ready to dip my toe into into the waters of online dating. The promise was plenty of fish; shame most of them were piranhas! I did change my status back to single at this point, because I learned the hard way that widowed is a magnet for scammers, attracted by an imagined life insurance payout.

I have to confess that I was incredibly sexually frustrated, and also hypomanic, so I ended up meeting a string of men who only wanted sex. While it temporarily scratched an itch, I wanted a relationship. So I’m not going to claim I was happy then.

Eventually I met DT who was my friend with benefits for two years (on and off). I would pretty much have done anything for him. We had the most amazing of times and although the dynamic was primarily sexual, we did also have a strong bond. People who met us thought we were married, so comfortable were we in each other’s company. He believed I would never leave him, quote, “because the sex is too good!” But he would lie to me, gaslight me, and accuse me of being mental when I suspected him. Endless deception and chaos was more than I could bear. He was never going to commit to me. So I left him. For the third time. And although we kept in touch for a bit after that, I resolved to never return. I realised I deserved the whole package, not just sex and the occasional snatched times together.

Leaving DT hurt like hell. I had fallen for him big time but felt strong and empowered for walking away. I had a handful of casual but trusted sexual partners I’d met when swinging who I could call upon when I needed them. This period of my life is probably the closest I’ve ever been to single and happy. I started online dating again, which was mostly awful, but did ultimately result in my meeting Martin, who has become my lovely second husband.

So I’m currently married and happy. If I could, I would change some of our circumstances, but I wouldn’t change us. I’m content to be his smol wife and he my person. Forever.