I will be having a minor operation tomorrow to remove the lump from my right ear. It is essentially for cosmetic reasons, but it is also becoming increasingly difficult to sleep on and does have a habit of getting face mask elastic caught around it. It isn’t painful most of the time and it’s harmless, just an overgrowth of scar tissue from the numerous piercings I had. Maybe ears weren’t designed to take 16 studs.

I had asked my boyfriend if he could possibly be around the day of my operation, and he’d managed to swap his two rest days so he had Friday and Saturday off with me. However because of that it meant he’d be working ten late shifts consecutively beforehand. As that was going to make it difficult to see each other for a while, I made the decision to stay over at his flat Sunday and have a little time with him Monday morning, maybe grab a coffee somewhere.

I knew he probably wouldn’t be home til around midnight, so I curled up on the sofa, ate pizza and relaxed. At one point I was at a loose end so did a bit of washing up and wiped down the work surfaces in the kitchen. Just a bit of mindless pottering. I returned to the sofa later and I believe I was scrolling aimlessly through social media when I received a call from Martin. “There’s been a train crash, but I’m ok”. He barely said more than that, I think he was on the line seven seconds. If you’ll excuse the expression, I was derailed.

He obviously had no clue when he’d get home and his reassurance had done little to allay my fears. I contemplated the chances of him dying, whilst pacing the floor, as I feel like too many people I love have died already and maybe it’s me. I battled to put those thoughts aside. I think I had a couple more brief calls from him as the evening progressed. He told me he was sat in a van but he was cold and hungry. My heart ached to think of the mental and physical distress he was experiencing. Finally the call telling me he would be home soon in a taxi. I huddled on the sofa, cold and anxious until finally I heard Martin at the door.

Clearly still shocked and shaken he recounted events of the evening to me. I wanted to hold him tight, but he needed to move, to talk, to rant, to swear. There was a point when I, now medicated (I’d waited until he was home safe), finally had to give in and go to bed. I left him sat at his desk, poring over the harrowing images that were already appearing on mainstream and social media, and asking himself ‘why?’

I have stayed with Martin this week, apart from popping back to Winchester to take my pre-op covid test. It has been a whirlwind of meetings and never ending phone calls and every conceivable emotion known to man. The manifestations of shock, stress and anxiety have been evident throughout, and I have done my best to provide a calm and safe space for him to explore his thoughts and feelings.

In the midst of everything a journalist appeared on the doorstep. Despite being suitably vague, and Martin refusing to own the title of Hero Guard the resulting article can be seen here https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10157127/First-pictures-train-guard-calmly-led-passengers-safety-Salisbury-train-crash-wreck.html?ito=social-twitter_dailymailUK

He led eight passengers to safety, not ninety-two. He had no contact with the mother and young baby, they weren’t even on his train. But he did his upmost to reassure the passengers he could communicate with and made the 999 call. He claims he isn’t a hero. I just reminded him that I loved him before he was famous. The rest of the article is fairly accurate. Obviously with ongoing investigations there is little we can say beyond what is already in the public domain. The crash scene continues to be cleared, the line remains closed and Martin is off track until further notice. I think it will be a lengthy journey for him, and by default for me.

Today I cried because Amazon left my parcel downstairs instead of bringing it up to the flat. Proper snot and tears and heaving sobs. As much as we’re trying to reassure each other we’re fine, we’re not. I’ll be glad when my operation is done and we can get out and about again. Quarantine never did suit me.

We’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking lots of deep breaths going forward. Martin is being well supported by his company and he is fighting for that to be extended to me too. It’s certainly not been the average week. We remain thankful that while things could have been so much worse, only a few sustained minor injuries and just the train driver was more seriously hurt. Our thoughts are with him and his family and indeed all involved on both trains.

It goes to show you never know what’s around the corner. An everyday average work shift that escalated into a major incident. I’ve said it before, but hold your loved ones tight and tell them you love them.