I had a blissful moment when I awoke,

Far too early.

The devastation of last night

Hadn’t yet hit me.

Until it did.

 

In the blink of an eye,

Like a kick to the guts,

It winded me

And tears prickled behind my eyes.

 

When I read the message,

Last night,

I was actually speechless.

I stared into space,

Crying silently,

But there were no words.

Just physical pain

And a huge vacuous place

Where my heart once was.

Yes, of course I know

It’s way too soon

To have fallen so deep,

But that’s being borderline for you.

My emotions don’t work

The way other people’s work.

Hence he can decide with logic

While I suffer with a passion.

 

How do men do that?

Choose their work,

A good pay deal,

Over matters of the heart?

And how can they drop a bombshell,

Knowing it will obliterate,

Then leave you in silence

While they retreat into solitude?

 

How do I continue,

Since he looked at me,

Like I was the most beautiful girl in the world?

How do I ever

Go back to normal?

Now I know that look exists,

How do I live without it,

Knowing there’s a chance

Nobody will look at me that way again?

 

What if no man ever adores,

Or cherishes me again

The way he did?

It’s unthinkable.

He allowed me a taste of paradise

Just to snatch it away.

 

How do you process a whirlwind

Of passion, of happiness

When it departed

Before it barely began?

 

Why does he get to choose,

But I just get told?

How do I go from

Being his somebody,

To just being nobody?

Dropped from a height.

When he offered me every night,

Yet now perpetually alone.

Again.

 

I feel like the unluckiest person ever

When it comes to romance.

I’ve settled for half-baked

Excuses for men,

When I truly deserved much more.

I’ve stayed in relationships

When I should have walked

Because I hate to give up.

The pain I’ve endured,

In the name of love is vast.

And then when a good one comes,

And he was,

He chooses his job over me.

That hurts.

Guess I know where I stand.