I mentioned last week that something bad had happened, thanks to the man named Dave. Having come through the other side, at least of the practicalities, I feel ready to blurt.

By way of background, when Dave and I were together, he introduced me to a website for swingers. Social media for the the kinky, adventurous and promiscuous if you like. We initially had a couple profile that Dave set up. However when we split the first time, he decided to change the password and lock me out. There were a selection of photos of me on that profile, which effectively he took sole control over. Because of the nature of the website, I couldn’t complain to admin without a login in, so at that time I created my own profile. I successfully got our couple profile removed. And I thought that was the end of it.

When we split the last time, in October, I deleted my online swinging/fetish presence and have not seen any of my old contacts since. Although some are still friends and we message sometimes. And it was one of these friends who drew attention to the fact that Dave was operating our old couple profile again and displaying my photos.

We had known this friend and his partner from our early club visits and Dave had been checking out their profile. When the friend went online after a while he immediately contacted me, telling me our old profile had been reinstated and he’d seen my pictures on it. I was was horrified. But somehow unsurprised. The time schedule pretty much aligned with Dave blocking me on WhatsApp. As if he knew I’d find out sooner or later and was already hiding in anticipation.

I asked all the contacts I knew were still using the website to report the profile, for him posing as a couple falsely (big no-no) and for using my photos. They acted, but only to make the profile a single male one. My pictures remained.

In desperation I created an incognito profile so I could report him myself. That website was the last place on earth I actually wanted to be and after reporting his profile every few hours I was getting nowhere. I was starting to lose the plot but a few sensible friends helped keep me grounded. I decided to scrutinise the site’s rules and terms and conditions and it was there I found it. No photos of others should be used without their agreement, if the person is identifiable.

I stated my case, making it known that it was because I was identifiable that my friend had contacted me, that I had not consented to the use of the photos, that I had been forced to create a new account to get it sorted. Also I advised I would be taking legal advice if the pictures were not removed forthwith.

They disappeared late that night. I was jubilant.

However whilst the practicalities are dealt with, I feel like I’ve been through the mill. Choosing to use photographs of mine, although probably primarily to boost his appeal to couples and women on the site, was also a very deliberate action against me. He knew I’d find out and he knew I’d be upset.

When we were a couple, and used to engage in some light BDSM play, Dave gave me an ankle chain with the word ‘owned’ on it. It was no coincidence it was a close up of that item of jewellery on my leg that was one of the four images of me he chose. At least in his mind he still believes I can be controlled. I don’t think so.

So why am I so rattled? I admit I loved him deeply. I admit he had a hold over me (hence it took me three attempts to leave him). And I admit I’m still trying to get over him. And that’s probably the key. I thought I was doing well getting beyond him. But now all the feels are back. I also discovered in the course of my incognito snooping that he’s been back local to me. Sixteen minutes away. And I’m not sure if I want to kill him or sleep with him. Sigh.