I have been anticipating this break for months. I’m back in sunny Bognor Regis after a year away. It’s my annual escape from reality and responsibilities. And the 19th. Except with the way the dates have fallen I will be home for the 19th, and avoiding wedding anniversary related thoughts and memories could be a challenge with a whopping great royal wedding happening that day. I will probably hide as much as possible, avoid the TV (unless I suddenly get the urge to torture myself) and pretend none of it is happening – the royals and my own memories. How successful that will turn out to be, I’m unsure.

So here I am, surrounded by the usual chaos of a Butlins holiday. And for the first time it’s getting to me a bit. My anxiety has been bad, I’m blaming that, because the other alternative is that I’m getting old, and I refute that notion passionately. The noise and small people are just kind of getting on my nerves. And this from someone who worked with 0-4 year olds. It’s not like me. I just spend a lot of time wondering where the parents are, or what are they thinking? Maybe it is my age.

Anyway, the anxiety. I got a good deal at the spa hotel, but I’d never stayed there before. Now I remember why I tend to stick with what I know. The first day here I only briefly came out of my room to eat and pop to the shop. I’m not massively loving the hotel restaurant, it’s quite small and is always pretty busy. Thank goodness I’m not booked there in peak season. I’ve overcome my fear of the ENORMOUS shower head, and finally worked out the many light switches (I think).

I think it’s safe to say, if I do come back (and I probably will, but I’m wavering) I will go back to the hotel I have always previously stayed in. I guess for people who don’t experience the level of anxiety I do, something as small as a change of hotel being so limiting is incomprehensible, but in Angel’s world it’s huge. And I’m massively proud of myself for facing my challenges this holiday, but actually I prefer the other hotel and certainly the dining arrangements.

I haven’t done a lot. Enjoyed the sunshine. Went to a great Freddie Mercury tribute show. Had a massage. Got my nails done. Done some colouring. Rested. Spent time thinking. Spa experience and more treatments booked for tomorrow. Despite my gripes with the unfamiliarity, I now feel ok. Happy even.

Maybe I will rebook for next year.

👼🏻