Since starting medication for my bipolar disorder around two and a half years ago, one thing I haven't mentioned much about are the side effects. There are two reasons for this; firstly, I've been extremely fortunate not to experience any side effects bar one, and secondly, that one is kind of embarrassing. A bit too much information probably. But then again, this is me we're talking about. Since when did TMI put me off? And since my meds were increased a while ago, said side effect has become significantly problematic, to the extent that I called my care coordinator today for some advice. So this is where I'm at; my mood disorder is without any shadow of doubt more stabilised than I have known it during this current period of acute illness, however, I wet the bed. And it's becoming a right pain.
It is listed as a side effect of my mood stabiliser, and in the two years I took the drug at a lower dose, it happened, I think three times. That was bad enough, especially as one time it was while holidaying in shared accommodation with another family, but since the dosage has been increased, so has the incidence of my nocturnal accidents. I thought my days of bleary-eyed bed changes in the early hours were done with, at least for the time being, until I became a good deal older and less in control of my bodily functions. But no, it seems not.
So after giving the new dosage a go, and experiencing the benefits of settled mood for some time, I have now been advised to reduce the medication again to a level between what I took before and what I take now. As it was a Friday afternoon and nothing can be sorted before next week, I will be continuing my existing dose while I'm on holiday, as of Monday. I will however be taking precautions to protect the bed from accidents for the time being. Especially after discovering that my 'waterproof' mattress cover actually wasn't, and I was left trying to sponge urine from my mattress at 5 o'clock this morning. Not fun.
But of course, aside from the inconvenience of the bed wetting, am I going to sacrifice the stability of my mental health by reducing my tablets again? This has taken a long hard fight on my part, not aided by my useless care coordinator on the most part, and the thought of losing what I have begun to achieve frankly scares me witless. The sinking depressions and the mindless, risky hopping into bed with whoever during the highs are chapters of my life I'd rather like to think I'd moved on from (at least as much as one can with a chronic mood disorder). I don't want to go there again if I can avoid it. I guess I'm obliged to give this in-between dose a try, but weighing up the pros and cons of unstable mood with the embarrassment, inconvenience and lack of sleep associated with the night time mis-haps is leaving me a bit at a loss.
Giving up cola, restricting my alcohol intake, going to bed at the right time, setting up my support network, managing difficult emotions, trying to eat healthier, mood tracking; those are all things I have done to try to remain as settled in mood as reasonably possible, but it was been the meds increase this year that has brought all those those together and given me a stabilised baseline upon which to build those self care measures. But this has left me feeling a bit all at sea. It's so hard to admit that due the side effect of the medication, the price of my stability was just too steep to pay.
I guess we'll just have to watch this space. And I'll invest in a new mattress protector.
👼🏻