Ok. Where to start? I guess the new man is forefront in my mind right now, so let’s start with him. Firstly, he’s still around. Despite my crazy bipolar brain doing its level best to throw a spanner in the works. Like messaging him at 3.15am one morning to tell him I couldn’t shake the idea that he’s a psychopath. I think if a relationship in its earliest stages can survive that it’s probably quite a good sign. I have tried so hard not to hit the sabotage button since then! Poor guy has put up with enough. And that’s before we’ve actually met. Yes, you read that right, we are still communicating by messenger and telephone. Although we’ve covered a hell of a lot of ground. It’s pretty intense. 

The main reason we haven’t met yet is down to a problem he’s been trying to sort at work. For weeks now he’s been working every waking hour trying to salvage a contract at risk of being lost. Yesterday was the deadline to complete. One way or another he would be able to take some time off, and we were going to meet this weekend. Until on Wednesday the company decided they needed him on site to sort things out personally. In Malaysia. For two weeks. Not sure of us who was the most disappointed. He cried. I cried. 

I saw my worker from Mind this week. She said I was the most stable and clear thinking she had ever seen me (the last 18 months or so). She also said I was one of the most beautiful women she’d ever met (just as an incidental). Even she had to admit the new man seemed to be having a stabilising influence. And I have to admit I’ve noticed it myself. That and how very happy he’s making me right now. Cautious and well meaning friends and family are getting the same reply, ‘Just let me have my moment’; but I’m not naive.

I am continuing my counselling at RASAC. It’s tough. Challenging. Painful at times. I leave the sessions feeling tired and emotional, but I know it’s because I’m working hard, and hopefully that means it will be of benefit. For the first time in a very long while my future feels really worthwhile investing in. 

So earlier he called me from the airport. I managed not to cry, even though another two weeks feels like an eternity. All I can do now is count down the days until he flies home and I meet him at the airport. For those who keep telling me to make sure our first date is in a public place, you don’t get much more public than the arrivals lounge at Heathrow! 

Am in such a happy place right now.

👼🏼